Ode to My Sisters.....

I have not written in awhile but overall my life is a blessed one. I am a bit sad right now but I find strength in my sisters this week. I have been blessed to have met and called many my friends, I have also let some of them go and at this point in my life I now realize how necessary although hard it is. However, I am so very fortunate to say I sit amongst a very elite, strong, awesome group of women in my sister circle whom I affectionately call My Sisters! As we pull together to give strength for one of our sisters fighting the biggest battle of her life we are reminded of the good times we share and no matter how many years go by or who lives where. We remain as close as ever, we pull together when necessary, to laugh to cry but to most importantly support. In this circle age doesn't matter only your commitment to be unified in a judge free zone that only requires you to laugh, pray, support and make a good dish oh and dare I say it be able to keep up with the conversation of 8 other women or should I say pass the salad dressing bottle! :)

I love my sisters very much and I just needed it to be put out there to my few followers, literally! How important it is to surround yourself with positive women. Not to discredit those others I call friends you mean the world to me as well, but today in honor of My Big Sister Shelly this goes out to my SISTERS!

Love you all...Meka, Shelly, Tiya, Yvonne, Moe, M-Hud, Mocha & Za

xoxo

Live life simple and on purpose!
Jae aka Lil Sis

Keeping America Beautiful

Random Funny...

Some years ago I became obsessed with eye shadow. My mom used to tell me you would be surprised how much better you feel when you put on some makeup.  I promise it wasn't meant in a shallow way! Of course it started with CVS brands, Loreal, Covergirl. Then the occasional treat to MAC with mom. When I worked at Sephora I took that love to another level when I began to experiment with other high end brands. Over the years my collection has been depleted with those less than great brands and replaced with some tried and true added in. I had so many that I could afford to keep spares in my purse or in the car as well as under the bathroom sink. Now you might be wondering why would I keep makeup in the car, well you never know. Sometimes I have au naturale days where makeup is just not a necessity, but by mid day something could pop up and I may feel the need to splash on a little color. So one Christmas a friend of mine bought me this set that had 2 different palettes in it with 2 different tones of colors. One with pinks and purples(my fave eye shadow colors) and a more neutral with browns and greens and tan, perfect for the car. So fast forward to last weekend when I decided after running a few errands, that I was going to take an impromptu trip to Philly to see the family, out of pure boredom and missing the nephew & niece. I knew I would be seeing other people, and thought I should probably spruce myself up a bit. While I sat on Baltimore/Washington Parkway in a bit of traffic I soon remembered that I had my "spares" in the console. So I pulled out my lovely green/tan palette and quickly remembered the blush in it was broken up. Now I had been meaning to dump the broken pieces for some time now so that I would not spill them on me. So as I drove at a leisurely pace (kids don't try this at home) I thought, "why don't I just dump it out now". If anyone is on litter patrol for the highway please stop reading now! Let me give them a minute to look away or log out! OK so where was I, oh yes I turned to stick the palette out the window, dumping only the the broken pieces of blush and I guess with all the construction happening along 295, Mother Nature thought it could use a little sprucing up! No sooner did I reach my hand out the window, did MN snatch the whole palette out my hand! I kid you not she snatched that sucker so fast, all I could do was Gasp! I immediately looked in my rear view to make sure the driver behind me was not suddenly hit with a smokey eye! It really was hilarious, although as much of a favorite the pinks and purples were losing them as a casualty would have hurt less since, the natural one gets more eye play. So after I finished dabbing a little light shade of purple on my eyes. I simply wrote it off, after all we all must do our part in keeping america beautiful right? Well we can check Baltimore/Washington Parkway off the list, thanks to me it feels a little more prettier today.

Jae

Love...

I have come to see that this one little four letter word has so much power. I thought today of how I grew up not seeing it outwardly expressed. I knew love in relationships to just mean two people who are always together as a couple. Let me explain, I don't ever remember hearing my grandparents say they loved each other but they were together and I just knew they loved each other. My Poppi took care of my Gram by being the breadwinner, and in return she raised the kids and took care of home. Poppi had his favorite chair and his favorite drink and every night he sat in it and my Gram bought him his dinner, my Gram never worked and she didn't drive. He took her anywhere she needed to go and that was how I saw their love. I saw both my uncles in relationships with my aunts. I never heard them express their love either they were just there, together. I see my mother and father's relationship a little differently because, I saw "signs" of love there. Flowers sent on a regular basis, the home from work kiss, the words in cards on holidays and birthdays. But to say I grew up in what was an overflow of love would be wrong. My Dad wasn't a man of many words but my mom knew he loved her, and because my mom knew, I just knew it existed. Today I find myself feeling in love, and although I am also still learning what that really means in relation to just loving someone. I am finding it to be a very controlling emotion. Sometimes it has a hold on me and I wish it would let go, and I only say that because I don't know what to do with it sometimes. Like I would love to take it and put it in my back pocket, or in the inside zipper of my pocketbook. Somewhere it is easy to get to but still out of the way. I thought this morning about how I know people in my life love me without them constantly needing to show me yet, in relationships I feel like it has to be constant for me to believe it is really there. Why is it not enough for a person who doesn't express his emotions often to say it, not only that he loves you but that he is in love with you? Why does he need to wear it on a t-shirt, or sing it in a love song (yes that is an Alicia Keys song!)? And when life gets in the way of the everyday carefree world we would love to exist in all the time, does that mean he means it any less because he wasn't able to show it when you thought he should? 

I am challenging myself to own up to this Love I am feeling by taking everything else I thought it was out of the  equation. Meaning my too many to name Romantic Movie collection, or the "love" I see expressed among my friends relationships or even the Love I saw or didn't see growing up. As with everything else in my life I want to define my "love" for me. I have loved before, although not a long list it has been there and each time it has taken the previous love to another level. As with everything else, I want to be in the moment with Love, I don't want to wonder about Love in 2 months or even 2 weeks. I just want to appreciate it today.

I had a conversation about it today and the statement was am I sure its that since I really don't have anything else to compare it to? Since it is the first time its really been expressed to me in this way, clearly am I sure its not just because of that reason. My first thought, No its Love. My second thought some hours later, yup still love. I decided that whatever it turns out to be a month from now, a year from now or even 10 years from now whether I am still in it or not, it is and will always be Love. 

Made On Mars….

                        
I guess it’s true what they say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, my goodness Men really do live on a separate planet where NOTHING is a big deal except cars and sports! I never professed to know much about relationships having only a few under my belt and then a string of…Misfits…(Insert book chapter here). But my goodness, they really should come with an instruction manual. So with each experience I have in life my goal is to walk away with a lesson whether it be something I learn about myself or the other person. Really about them as I’m seeking to create my own manual.  Either way I try to be positive, I have a forgiving heart so I ultimately have no ill intentions of any past misfits. Currently, I just so happen to be in the midst of a blossoming relationship with a man who, well, keeps me on my toes. I seem to learn something new with him almost every week.  I think he shares Tom Joyner’s title for the hardest working man. He literally does not sit still until he sleeps and he doesn’t get much of that! He had a busy weekend in fact the last few have been kind of busy and for the most part I get it, I can’t exactly say you work too much I need my time, so quit. I can pretty much tell you how that will end, me spending weekends alone because I don’t have a choice…LOL well I’d have a choice, it would just end up being with me searching for the instruction manual of some new guy. But I digressed, I am perfectly happy with this model, its just never a dull moment. I say quite often that I have on my secret decoder ring in order to have a conversation with him so I can then decipher what logic he has talked himself into believing to make perfect sense. I swear to you when he says things to me he truly believes it to be LAW. You gotta love the man for standing up for what he truly believes, no matter how wrong he may be!

                               So after yet another few days of all work and no play and no talk. I check in to make sure all is good on the home front, he had some family illness scares in addition to the normal hustle and bustle. He answers the phone like nothing is wrong, like I didn’t call over the weekend, with ”concern”. I should add here the nonchalant after my thoughts of slight worry, piss me off!  Now we also do not live in a crime free world so if a few days go by in silence, I am wondering if I should be checking the local papers.  I know a bit extreme but I cover all my bases, so after I have established that he is just still working and recovering from a busy weekend of family stuff, I make a comment about looking forward to the weekends being “our time” to do stuff, but it doesn’t seem like that is happening lately.

He says “Babe, what are you talking about it was just this weekend, it was crazy.”

To which I reply, "I didn’t see you last weekend either"

He says “I talked to you on Friday?”

Me: *crickets* I’m pretty sure a man won’t see the problem with this but women understand my silence.

"Hello?" He says.

“Yeah I’m here”. (Sliding on my secret “man” decoder ring, because I know something is coming)

“ it was Friday right?, It sounds like you trying to say something else, what are you trying to say, Babe?” oh and now he has an attitude.

“Umm, *Duh, in my head* that we haven’t had any weekends to do "our thing" as planned”, I say now that the concern in my voice has moved to straight ‘tude as well.

"But it was just this weekend, I don't understand", now let me just say for the male audience that may exist, the proper response would've been,, "I know Babe, this weekend" I'm all yours. I would have even taken, "My bad Babe, you are right."

Now I must say this is in the middle of the work day so now I am trying to fall back because I am not really one for the afternoon work chat that turns into an argument. So as I downplay the conversation to avoid my coworkers getting to know the Jae that doesn’t always smile. I say “Yeah Babe, it was Friday.” To his defense, (not really) but I did see him that Friday he mentioned however, it was by no means date night as he was in between jobs on a "Break" sort of speak.

Cue his coworker asking a question, as I’m sure we were both relieved at this point. He says “Babe I will call you back when I’m done, I said no need just call me later, now that I know you are not laying in a ditch somewhere.”

He laughs….

Me: *Dial tone*

So as I hang up the phone, as hard as I could, annoyed because I saw that conversation going differently in my mind. I look down at the  obviously still broken decoder ring. I turn it around and now it all makes sense, on the inside I see the fine print reads:

“MADE ON MARS”

Oh get the....No wonder it doesn’t work!!

The journey continues…

K.I.S.S.
Jae :)

It’s all Coming Together…

    

This weekend was a quiet, yet thought provoking weekend for me. Although I did not overwhelm myself as usual with "outrageous flights of fancy". *If you know what movie that quote is from, you can join my movie club* :) Anywho, I remained in the moment as I just assessed my life. In retrospect, I am not as bad off as I thought, in fact I’m not bad off at all. There was a time in my life where I thought I was in some “race of life” that I was sadly losing. It was this race of what I should have and where I should be by a certain age, in relation to those around me too, but in my mind only because no one was looking at me to be on any timetable. I think I have either watched too many movies or just let society based on what I don’t know, but I let society make me think I should have accomplished so many things in my career, family-wise, financially. I have soon come to realize that when it is my time it will be just that MY TIME.  I already believe that 2011 is going to be my year. It already has been a blessing to me and I continue to be uplifted by what the next 5 months will bring. Oh if I could only tell you what I foresee, all I know is its going to be good!! How do I know? I prayed! “Everything is possible for him who believe” – Mark 9:23. I think I was so used to getting in my own way and thinking that something was always out of place or wrong, that for a second this weekend I tried to find something to be confused about or trying to fix per my previous headgames of yester-year. Although I have a dream on my heart that I am waiting to come to pass, I know he is already giving it to me its just a matter of when so I let go of the right now moment. As it has been brought to my attention that God is working, again because I prayed so God is working on it.

The best thing about this feeling I have is it is based on my own thoughts of what I want for my life, not what others want for me and not what others have that I think I want for me. The repeating theme in my life lately is PATIENCE. It is something I strive to be more diligent about. See I keep trying to make things work on my time, but it is not up to me and again you should pray about everything and worry about nothing. So I’m not worried and I can’t try to fix or alter anything already in the works for me because what Is meant to be when it is time will BE! Life is too short, on the heels of hearing of young people gone too soon. If I sit here thinking about what I want and what I don’t have I’m going to miss out on the blessings in my present moment.

Thanks for reading, remember (K)eep (I)t (S)o (S)imple. If you are reading this you are already blessed because you have eyes to read!!

Jae

Is it Friday Yet???

So if you know me, you know that I have held many jobs in my years since the tender age of 14. In some ways I am not proud of that, because I am not sure it shows stability but in other ways I am proud to be well rounded in my experience. I have worked at McDonald’s, I did a brief stint at Marshalls (LOL that’s a story I may never tell!) a few retail establishments as sales associate and Manager, a supermarket, an Insurance company, a Pharmaceutical company, and a few government contract jobs. Yes I think that’s it, a few years ago I did an assessment on what about those jobs I liked and disliked. My goal was to find what really gets me going at a job and what makes me want to get out of bed every morning ready to take on the day. It also helped me decide on a true major for finishing my Bachelor’s degree, (so I thought) *insert another blog here*. I would love to say that it took on a life of its own and I am now in this rewarding career that I truly love. But such is not the case, I told myself once I got this new job after being unemployed for 10 months, that I would relax and not get all anxious about doing something else. But as I sit here every day making my next move based on the needs of someone else I find myself asking, “Is it Friday yet?” and its only Monday, maybe Tuesday! The Sagittarius in me, just can’t sit still, mentally or physically! Now it’s just not the job itself I have come to look at other deciding factors such as benefits, location and travel time. It all becomes important especially when you live and work in the DC/MD area. The more I sit here, the more I think, why wait? Why do I need to relax and just let it be for a while, if there is something burning in me that I want to do then I should do it. To this day I had two jobs out of that list above, that I truly was excited to be a part of, because I had bosses who saw my drive and offered me opportunities to stretch that as best they could. I also liked the responsibility I had and the respect I received as a result of meeting someone’s needs.

So I am now on a mission to fuse those two jobs along with my interests into a rewarding career for me that makes everyday a joy for me to be included in. Now don’t get me wrong I am already blessed with my life and the way God is truly moving in it, but I also know he has a purpose for me and to be honest this aint it! Yes I said “Aint”! I don’t want my career to define me, I am hoping the person I am and my beliefs represent me to the best of my ability and define me for God’s intentions. However, having a rewarding career at this point would be at the top of my “Bucket List” for life, along with being a mommy and a wife. I know some people have bucket lists that include sky diving and bungee jumping and that is fine, I am an adventurous person and when the opportunity presents itself for me to do something fun that I may not have done before then I will pursue so as for right now that is good enough. Now let me caveat that with I will never be enticed to sky dive or bungee jump! Right now I am about improving my overall quality of life and enjoying every aspect. Now, typically the idea when making a move in jobs has been to let the salary be one of the leading factors and for that reason every move I have made has been an increase in pay. Of course it was easier when I lived at home, but now that I am on my own I have to be mindful and this is what stumps me in a way because I have a few things I would love to blink my eyes and be engrossed in but the financial aspect scares me because it means a cut in pay until the money starts flowing in, but I can’t help but be enticed by the even more rewarding aspect of it: LOVING WHAT I DO. So I am off to explore ways to tap into this and really find a reason to smile at work other than because I’m just a “smiley” person!

If you are reading this and have the opportunity to do what you love to do every day, I hate you! LOL no I kid, seriously I admire you and commend you as I am sure taking that step do it came with reserve and hesitation but at the end of the day you probably wouldn’t trade it for the world. Or would you?? I’m pretty sure I have something on my desk or in my pocketbook I’d be willing to part with!! J

But in all seriousness, I will join the likes of you soon, so wish me luck as the venture begins. Operation “Life is too short, and parking is too much, to not do what you love” is in full swing!

K.I.S.S.

Jae

PATIENCE: Wait for it.....

Patience continues to be the area I struggle with the most. I am pushing  myself to overcome it, because I will admit sometimes it keeps me from enjoying the moment of life I am in at that time. Lately, a few things tend to get me antsy, my job and my relationship. In both areas I am running this race of where I think in my head I should be with both. My relationship has had some challenges, quite a number of them to be honest and that would most certainly lead us into another blog entry.  I believe that we should just move beyond the issues (overnight) and get going to the next phase. However, I believe everything happens for a reason and because I trust God I trust that everything will be okay and happen as it should, when it should. Of course I can say that last part faster than it takes to manifest. It is a process that is actually teaching me a lot about myself, for one slowing down and really getting to know a person for all that they are and getting to know myself.  I am amazed at what I did not consider in relationships previously! Number 1 lesson in patience is growth. 

Coming in for a close tie is my job, I have been blessed with a job that brought me back to the area I believe I belong in after 10 months of unemployment. Initially, I was going to embark on a new adventure and get things done in an effort to propel me forward, only several things happened, I didn’t think it totally through, I did not address the doubt I was having about the move. Once I had made the move everything changed and it was more than I could handle, even the ever-changing easily bored Sagittarius in me was on a roller coaster ride I was desperate to get off of. So what happened I wanted instant fix, I didn’t want to go back to what was going on before but I wanted some things to come back and again it took 10 months for it all to come together and in the end I have to say the things I set out to change and learn about myself still happened and although it was the most stressful, emotional, uphill battle of my 32 years of life I can honestly say it was well worth it. To see how far I have come, it has taken my struggle of patience up a notch, I have learned the value of “waiting”, a little bit. It won’t happen overnight but I refuse to believe I am incapable of being patient especially when I know that by being patient I am also exercising my faith. I read somewhere that Faith is daring the soul to look beyond what the eye can see. When I think about it, because I have a personal relationship with God I know that is one thing he asks of us to trust him and have Faith, not knowing what is ahead but knowing that it will all be worth it in the end.

So I know I am not alone on this plight to live the best possible life we can live, but what we must do is remain in the moment and know that with Faith and Patience everything we seek to have in life, will be given to us, when the time is right.

"Do YOU Boo-Boo..."

                So I know it’s been a few days, and I must say life is moving along nicely! J I am learning to embrace my days and live in the moment! I stopped and thanked God this morning, again specifically for bringing me to the place I am today which is a complete 180 from where I was last year this time. I am so incredibly happy, no negativity in me or around me! Last year this time I was an emotional basket case, I’m not even going to sugarcoat it. My life changed drastically in more ways than I imagined! However, that was then and now, NOW I have this amazing peace within me. I just read in one of my morning devotionals how God has a plan for our lives and its God’s race we are to run, not someone else’s. I have no problems admitting I had influence in my life by my friends and what they had accomplished or had that I didn’t. I had influence on making decisions from my family, for so long I trusted my mom and sisters judgment and it went on for so long that when I attempted to make my own decisions I got side eyes and comments and I cannot totally blame them because I allowed it to happen for so long that when I tried to break free they couldn’t really understand it because it was the way we all knew for so long. Last year I made a few decisions that I have prayed for God to release the regret I feel about them. When I think back on them I am not sure if I completely made them with 100% confidence on my end, I know for some instances I had doubts but I thought if I changed my mind people would comment about my intentions. Little did I know I should have done what felt right to ME because what I soon learned was that nobody is perfect and that at the end of the day my life is just that, MY LIFE! I may not quote this correctly, but a friend of my mine told me a saying her pastor used at church one morning and she shared it with me after a conversation we were having, “Don’t let people do your thinking, because they can’t do your living”. Now again that may not be a direct quote but that is the gist of it and it makes so much sense.

                  I decided to make decisions that were in my best interest, no matter what anyone thinks or says. I knew it would come with tension in the air, and trust me it got silent real quick in my life once I decided to totally follow what I believe is not so much my plan but God’s, in fact I think that is where some of the problems arose, I was trying so hard, I mean so hard to make my life make sense to me that I was going to drastic measures to make it “better”. I put that in quotations because in my mind my life was not at all what I thought it would be at 30 something but you know what it was that exact thinking that stunted my growth. I set limitations on my life when I assumed I should “be” somewhere that I currently wasn’t. God knows my plan and every day I am more and more comfortable using his map to guide me along this race! As you set off today, probably prepping for a 3 days weekend, just remember live the best life you can live for you. To quote my fave comedian, Kevin Hart, “Do YOU Boo-Boo”. LOL

K.I.S.S.

Jae :)

You mean I’m not immortal????

So here’s the funny thing, I don’t claim to be perfect by any means, but I unconsciously thought I was pretty darn close to it! I have a habit of being non-judgmental, easy going, patient and understanding. Somewhere in all that I thought in my mind I was pretty much free of error when it came to hurting feelings and breaking hearts. However, in the last year I have had the pleasure of being involved with a man who cuts me no slack when it comes to reality/ego checks. Although he is unaware of the ego checking aspect, several times after a conversation with him I have found myself going wow, he has a point or did he just check me? I have had my fair share of “situations” (to call them relationships might be a stretch)! Anyways, I have had quite a few and more often than not they did not work out because we were not on the same level or they were just out to be shady. Nonetheless they were more so not my fault than they were. In my most recent relationship we have had our share of “confused” moments, to which I have been so quick to say its because he is confusing, hard to read and an Aquarus! LOL After yet another thought provoking conversation with him today, that shed so much light on the "why?" Of some of his actions, it has been brought to my attention that it is my fault that such things have existed.  

Now let me be clear this entry is not really about “relationships” so no need to go into specifics on “us” it’s more about perceptions of ourselves. So after I got off the phone, I thought a moment then called “the friend”, you know the one or two people who give it to you straight no chaser whether you like the answer or not! So I called one of mine and explained the conversation and it tripped me out to hear that she said “wow so it’s your fault” with a bit of sarcasm. Not that she thinks I'm just always wrong, but it was like an epiphany of hmm she is human. I could almost hear her smiling through the phone! LOL I laugh because it is funny that although she has entertained the emotional rollercoaster I undoubtedly chose to ride alone, she was all too happy in a sympathetic way of course, to say “uh yeah, you did this, now you gotta fix it.” To which I jokingly (I think) replied, “You mean I’m not as perfect as I thought?” she was all too happy to say “Um NO!”, “So I guess I have to take my cape off and come back to earth with the rest of you mere mortals. You mean I’m not immortal?” we laughed followed by jokes about me standing out on my balcony with my hands on my hips while letting my Pink “Super Perfect” cape blow in the wind! LOL It’s all a vision I could totally see, but good thing I had yet to coin a Super Name or phrase. Because the ego was checked in a major way, I wanted to easily think the reason for his actions was not as deep or due to any fault of mine. I don’t find myself being one who easily reads or understands men; in fact more often than not I’m donning a secret decoder ring in an attempt to get a glimpse of what a man is really thinking. I have always just assumed mine was broken. It’s so easy to say he is cheating or he just not that in to you instead of really taking the time to figure out what makes him do the things that he does. I personally think this has been the easy way out reply when dealing with relationship conversations among girlfriends. This time around it wasn't that easy to label, see he isn’t a big communicator so whenever he says anything I make note then as time goes on its like a puzzle I put together and today I put the final piece in and who knew it would be a finger pointing back at me!

I've had quite a few relationship issues in the last few years from both romantic, family and friends and I think it is really important that as we are quick to list everything this person did to hurt us or upset us, we should recognize that no relationship is one sided. Meaning there is always a cause and effect. We play a part in the way things happen and we can’t just sit and play the victim and think we are free from error. Sometimes we really have to step outside of ourselves and see what role we played in whatever the situation may be. When you confront it pointing your fingers, be prepared that there might just be a finger pointing back at you and before you run into a phone booth, change into your costume and come running out spitting your  “I was perfect I did everything right mantra” sit there and really listen to what’s being said. You might be surprised at how your view of the situation changes therefore changing the outcome. Maybe being a mortal isn’t so bad! :)

Jae 

Hello to the new….

      

I was going to say hello to the new week, but as I am attempting to live in the moment, let’s just start with “Hello, Monday!” A friend and I were talking this morning and it occurred to us that we are really good at offering each other words of encouragement and support for how to just live life. What we also noticed is we are not so quick to understand the need to take our own advice. She affectionately coined us “WIPs”, (Works in Progress). It’s a very true statement, as we are all works in progress no matter what we are working on there is always something to be gained. The experience alone of whatever is happening in your life the gain right there, you learned that what you did worked well enough to repeat again or that next time you will go a different way. Sometimes it can be very hard to live in the moment; you get to this point in life where you have conquered enough of the stuff you were trying to work on, feeling at peace with it enough to now lend your attention to another area. The problem is because we have had this enlightening “ahhhh” moment in one area now we are on a roll to make sure the next area does the same, only we want it to happen in 15.5 seconds from the moment we fixated ourselves on its possibility. We briefly forgot that it took some time to develop the success we achieved in that other area.

How come the journey is never enough? One of my BFFs is graduating from college this weekend and she, like most I know including me, did not take the path that includes college right after high school. So we are among the Adult students that are blazing across the world, furthering or continuing their education. She is so excited to finally be done with this leg of the tour but of course it came with many conversations about, “I should’ve done this a long time ago, if I would’ve gone after high school I would be done by now, etc.” Being in the same boat as she is I definitely understood, but I told her like I tell myself whenever that thought would enter my mind, it happened this way for a reason. And as I made her graduation card, I found myself personalizing it with the words “the length of this journey doesn’t matter, it only matters that you reached your destination.” Then I thought to myself, wow I’m good. J I’m either good at remembering this quote from something else I read, or I was just that profound this morning to really think of that on my own! LOL Either way, I thought to myself, why is it that we are not happy going through the journey? We are always so disappointed at the circumstances happening before we finally get what we want; instead of understanding the process is just as important as the result. I am most certainly, a victim of this too so I am not pointing the finger here but I think it is important for us to understand that it’s not a bad thing to have to wait, if we convince ourselves that the thing we are seeking to gain is indeed possible for us to have, why can’t we just relax in knowing that it will happen? Where is the fire? If we don’t live in the present and just enjoy it, day by day. When all is said and done we are going to wake up and wonder where the time went, I am already trying to figure out where the first 5 1/2 months of this year went!  3 months ago I was unemployed and on a serious grind to find a job, now look at me up at 5:30 a.m. every day, working at a job where I am busy from the time I walk in until the time I leave. While I was in that journey I thought it was the worst time for me. But it amazingly enough proved to be the most enlightening thought-provoking growth spurt I could have ever had, thus far! J

So in conclusion, sit down and relax. No matter what is happening in the moment I truly believe, it’s all good!

"HAPPY" FRIDAY!!

                 I decided today to keep it light and breezy. I am excited about the weekend and excited about life in general. I thought this morning on my way to work on what a great week it has been. Each week I feel myself progressing in my relationship with God. How do I know? Because the load feels lighter, my biggest issue has always been overthinking and not letting things go. Each week I feel myself feeling lighter and happier. I have been studying really hard on overcoming these things and it’s all in the effort of my overall goal in life to KEEP IT SIMPLE! I have such awesome, wonderful people in my life. They have no idea of the little things they do that are so big to me. It doesn’t take much for me, a friend sharing wonderful news, a laugh with friend(s), encouraging words and laughs with my mom, the jokes only my sister and I get, listening to a voicemail from my nephew, picturing my nieces smile/laugh and spending time with someone special. The good times continue as my weekend is full of family time and I am so overjoyed about it, my family means the world to me! As you venture off into your weekend don’t get so caught up in the day to day “life” stuff that you miss out on the present, because as they say the “present is a gift” so be thankful for it and show God your gratitude by being happy in it!

K.I.S.S.

Jae

Putting the puzzle together

                   Ok so here is where I am at today, now that all my friends seem to be in their own “life bags”, I find myself now having conversations with them about having babies, getting married; making houses a “home”, etc. Conversations have changed a lot in the last year or so and I have to say while it seems like it happened overnight, it is actually refreshing.  Thankfully I wasn’t surrounded around a bunch of women wearing “I am single hear me roar” t-shirts. I am not sure why it is necessary, while I’m not knocking being single, I have spent most of my adulthood and life for that matter as a single woman and it’s been a great ride, I did a lot and did not have to worry about dividing my time. I don’t want to go into this entire list of what I didn’t have to do or could do as a single girl because let’s face it I just did stuff a single person would do! LOL I am always amazed at the lengths people go to, to announce their singledom. I think some people think if you admit that if they want to be in a relationship or have a family they are saying they can’t be alone, and I disagree. You are just admitting you want more or something different. At the same time I know quite a few people who are never single, they always have someone and I think that has a deeper meaning than the surface can show and quite possibly could be another blog entry. Any who, I’ve had my fair share of chilling at home by myself, entertaining myself when my friends were entertaining relationships. There were plenty of times I enjoyed the quiet and there were plenty of times I didn’t. I am keeping it FUNKY (real)! (Took that from a friend) LOL Its life at some point we are all single and yes it is most certainly important to be comfortable in your own skin, being alone and happy. But I have to be honest, I am getting older and there comes a point when you want something else, something more. 

                It could just be me; I grew up with 3 siblings and a mother and father, in the home. Granted 2 of my “sibs” were my “blended family” so I only saw them every other weekends and lots more during the summers. My grandparents were together my whole life thus far until they passed away, and my mom’s brothers are married to the only women I have ever seen them with. So it is not unusual for me to believe in Love or sharing my life with someone. It seems like my adulthood up to this point has been a bunch of puzzle pieces I was trying to find and put together. I started with finding the pieces of me; finding pieces of me through a job, finding pieces of me through my friendships and finding pieces of me through my family. It was a long battle but I think I get it now, and although it’s not a complete puzzle I see enough of the picture to see where I’m going. I have seen it start to unfold; my conversations alone are proving that. For so long I swear, I have been about this friend and that friend and then some more friends and all their lives. It’s like I was in a race to see how many friends I could get in my lifetime. Although I’m not sure what the prize was, when all was said and done all I got was burnt out! I had too many stories in my head of everyone’s lives for one sane person to comprehend and filter and I finally took my “Save-a-Friend” Cape off, shredded and then burned it, on purpose!

                I love my TRUE friends and I’m proud of all of US for the growth and accomplishments we have achieved thus far and even though some are moving into phases that others are not sure about or otherwise not so interested in yet. I find that it’s okay, at one point I had a hard time accepting when my friends were doing other things that I wasn’t but the maturity came and I realized its life and just because we start to move in different areas doesn’t mean the friendship goes away, it just means the friendship moves to another phase as well. I think it is great to have a great friends in your life, and a balanced sense of who you are alone or attached, but it’s also not bad if you want to share that with someone either. So whether you are putting your puzzle together alone or you have help, enjoy the search for your pieces, I’m certainly having fun putting mine together! J

Jae

Just believe it!!

Today I am talking to myself here but I figured maybe someone else could use this word of encouragement too. Last year I had a pretty tough year, probably one of my BIGGEST TEST thus far in my 33 years of existence. I say that because it was filled with so many emotions, thoughts and just stuff I just can’t believe it was just in 2010. I decided I had to really get to the heart of me and my thinking and I needed to find my answers in God, now I am not here to be all preachy and have people catching the holy ghost. I told myself that I would get more spiritually connected for my OWN sake. It was not about just going to church every Sunday, ok not every Sunday but you know what I mean. It was about me knowing God and relying on him when my days just seemed to not make any sense. So I shut down, I stop talking to everyone but God about my “issues”. Each day I would try to teach myself the bible by seeking out verses based on my feelings, then I took it a step further by finding daily devotionals then I stumbled upon Joel Osteen’s book It’s Your Time. It was the first thing I read that really taught me that your thinking controls your life. I immediately realized I was the root of all my problems, yes I could easily say this person was this and they did that but ultimately the aura of my life was a pit of negativity because I let every downfall consume me. I went a step further after reading Joel’s book, which by the way I recommend to everyone!! I opened up one of my old journals, that I have kept since I was 17, now if you recall I mentioned my age in the beginning so I basically have written documentation of my life overall for the last 15 or so years. But the one thing I noticed about the last 6 or 7 years was that it was so depressing to read, I literally sat there and was like “OMG was this really me??” I knew I had to change that because I was writing it down, making it permanent and therefore it was setting my moods and I didn’t even know it. It was like the screenplay of my life and it was terrible, I would NEVER go see that movie. LOL

Around this same time my mom bought me a new journal and I vowed that with my first new entry of the New Year, no longer would I fill any pages with anything negative, the first step in having Faith is believing what is unseen. So even if it sounded farfetched initially I would write something positive and forward speaking or I would not write at all! I’m happy to say that 5 months later I can now open my journal on a not so Fabulous day and find inspiration in my own words. I thumbed through one of my old journals the other day and came to a page that said “my mom is convinced that I really need to start thinking happy, positive thoughts because I’m in such a funk from dwelling on the things that are going wrong.” I had to laugh because 4 years later I am finally doing that, of course when I told my mom that, in true mom fashion she says you didn’t believe me when I said it you had to hear it from someone else. I laughed and said no it just took me 4 years to get it! I will add, that only happened because I got quiet with myself and then stepped outside of myself to see the role I was playing in my life.

It is really amazing how when you change your outlook the things you look at change. Since I am heavy with my daily inspirations I believe God is now speaking to me through them, every day I listen to a sermon by Joel Osteen or Joyce Meyers, I also read their daily devotionals as well as Daily Christ Bible Notes and Purpose Driven Life. As of lately, based on my opinion of my growing relationship with God I find all the messages carry the same theme some weeks and its usually those weeks it is taking me a little longer to let something go. So ironically this past week was about FAITH, FAITH and more FAITH. Believing in the unseen, trusting the faithfulness of God and believing it has already been given to you, “IT” being whatever you are hoping for and praying for. So I will leave you with that, let’s all start this week off right by believing whatever it is we are praying for has already been given to us, if we live like that it will make the “going through stuff” much easier.

Happy Monday!

K.I.S.S.

Jae

Less still is More!!

This is why I left Twitter…and I have one foot out the Facebook Door.

One of the things I came to realize about myself in the last year is that I really am okay, not knowing as much as I have been previously privy to! If you know me well or have known me for a really long time you know that me talking or people talking to me comes very easily. I have always tried to have an unbiased opinion and I have never felt the need to try to force my opinion on how someone else should live ‘their” life, quite honestly, because I hate it when people do it to me. Although, I do realize that my sensitive and caring nature has made me give strong “thoughts” here and there. Experience has now taught me that I now just say “Hey, you like, I love it”, which I think overall just means it’s your life so if your cool, I’m cool! At the end of the day you’re going to do exactly what YOU want to do regardless of the opinion/advice/suggestion of anyone else, right! But since part of my plan in the last year is to build my relationship with God I would probably now say to someone, pray about it, trust your heart and go from there.

 Now I promise I had a point when I started this…Oh yes information overload...I know tons of people, and let me say months ago I might have said I have tons of friends but I have used that word loosely for way too long and after much deliberating with myself, we decided yes (me, myself and I) that it is quality over quantity so therefore we will be careful how we toss around that word. Yes that’s a whole other blog and an entire chapter maybe two in my book! But I digressed, some months ago I was a happy go lucky participant in the “twitter world”. Following 

celebrities, getting my healthy dose of inspiration, even networking for jobs and of course I had actual people I knew who I followed and who followed me. Insert a personal incident that left my ego a bit bruised, where I was the chosen one left out of what would normally be a “team effort”. (that story tonite at 11) A few tweets and a few texts later I decided things got out of hand, it was just way too much and I had a choice to remove myself from things that were just too much FOR ME or I could remain there and continue to witness things that would potentially hurt or annoy me again. So I hit the delete button, now let me explain this was not some isolated incident. I had been “involved” in other twitter debacles which is why this last one was the nail in the coffin. I soon realized that it was just all way too much. People want to be able to say and do whatever they want, admitting yeah I said it or did it and I should be able to because it’s my twitter, where others want to say it in a “general” way hoping no one really reads between the lines. It just took the fun out of it when feelings get hurt and no one really stops and thinks what their tweets may actually do, and quite frankly at some point when do we really leave anything private. Does the “less is more” really not apply anymore just because technology has made it easy to keep in touch and network? I will admit I was addicted to twitter, everyday like clockwork I’d log in looking for my dose of inspiration or what was going on that would make me laugh with my “get through the work day on twitter crew”. But at some point it just stopped being fun. Facebook has turned into the exact same thing and I swear half the people I’m “friends” with should be on twitter, why are we updating Facebook every time we do ANYTHING? Granted there was no quota but are we really here where I can know everything about people I really don’t know? Then why go make a big fuss about identity theft and other things if you are just going to tell it all on Facebook or Twitter? Prime example, I’m friends with a former classmate again I say classmate whose last name I barely knew and now I can tell you where she works, what she had for dinner when she is in love when isn’t. What time her son goes to bed, when he had a cold. I mean seriously I am so afraid that all of this technology is making us lose sight of real connections to people.

 I mean I am honestly getting ready to say this, but doesn’t anyone want to keep anything to themselves anymore?? It was one of the things that sold me on really getting back to keeping it simple. It was just way too much, (I know I have said that like 3 times already but IT WAS!) It got complicated, it was no longer quite easy to understand or deal with. If you find yourself feeling like this, if it doesn’t work well for you and its okay to admit that it doesn’t walk away. Trust me at the end of the day with all that is being said out there I guarantee, you really aren’t missing much!

K.I.S.S., (Keeping it So Simple)

Jae