Keeping America Beautiful

Random Funny...

Some years ago I became obsessed with eye shadow. My mom used to tell me you would be surprised how much better you feel when you put on some makeup.  I promise it wasn't meant in a shallow way! Of course it started with CVS brands, Loreal, Covergirl. Then the occasional treat to MAC with mom. When I worked at Sephora I took that love to another level when I began to experiment with other high end brands. Over the years my collection has been depleted with those less than great brands and replaced with some tried and true added in. I had so many that I could afford to keep spares in my purse or in the car as well as under the bathroom sink. Now you might be wondering why would I keep makeup in the car, well you never know. Sometimes I have au naturale days where makeup is just not a necessity, but by mid day something could pop up and I may feel the need to splash on a little color. So one Christmas a friend of mine bought me this set that had 2 different palettes in it with 2 different tones of colors. One with pinks and purples(my fave eye shadow colors) and a more neutral with browns and greens and tan, perfect for the car. So fast forward to last weekend when I decided after running a few errands, that I was going to take an impromptu trip to Philly to see the family, out of pure boredom and missing the nephew & niece. I knew I would be seeing other people, and thought I should probably spruce myself up a bit. While I sat on Baltimore/Washington Parkway in a bit of traffic I soon remembered that I had my "spares" in the console. So I pulled out my lovely green/tan palette and quickly remembered the blush in it was broken up. Now I had been meaning to dump the broken pieces for some time now so that I would not spill them on me. So as I drove at a leisurely pace (kids don't try this at home) I thought, "why don't I just dump it out now". If anyone is on litter patrol for the highway please stop reading now! Let me give them a minute to look away or log out! OK so where was I, oh yes I turned to stick the palette out the window, dumping only the the broken pieces of blush and I guess with all the construction happening along 295, Mother Nature thought it could use a little sprucing up! No sooner did I reach my hand out the window, did MN snatch the whole palette out my hand! I kid you not she snatched that sucker so fast, all I could do was Gasp! I immediately looked in my rear view to make sure the driver behind me was not suddenly hit with a smokey eye! It really was hilarious, although as much of a favorite the pinks and purples were losing them as a casualty would have hurt less since, the natural one gets more eye play. So after I finished dabbing a little light shade of purple on my eyes. I simply wrote it off, after all we all must do our part in keeping america beautiful right? Well we can check Baltimore/Washington Parkway off the list, thanks to me it feels a little more prettier today.

Jae

Love...

I have come to see that this one little four letter word has so much power. I thought today of how I grew up not seeing it outwardly expressed. I knew love in relationships to just mean two people who are always together as a couple. Let me explain, I don't ever remember hearing my grandparents say they loved each other but they were together and I just knew they loved each other. My Poppi took care of my Gram by being the breadwinner, and in return she raised the kids and took care of home. Poppi had his favorite chair and his favorite drink and every night he sat in it and my Gram bought him his dinner, my Gram never worked and she didn't drive. He took her anywhere she needed to go and that was how I saw their love. I saw both my uncles in relationships with my aunts. I never heard them express their love either they were just there, together. I see my mother and father's relationship a little differently because, I saw "signs" of love there. Flowers sent on a regular basis, the home from work kiss, the words in cards on holidays and birthdays. But to say I grew up in what was an overflow of love would be wrong. My Dad wasn't a man of many words but my mom knew he loved her, and because my mom knew, I just knew it existed. Today I find myself feeling in love, and although I am also still learning what that really means in relation to just loving someone. I am finding it to be a very controlling emotion. Sometimes it has a hold on me and I wish it would let go, and I only say that because I don't know what to do with it sometimes. Like I would love to take it and put it in my back pocket, or in the inside zipper of my pocketbook. Somewhere it is easy to get to but still out of the way. I thought this morning about how I know people in my life love me without them constantly needing to show me yet, in relationships I feel like it has to be constant for me to believe it is really there. Why is it not enough for a person who doesn't express his emotions often to say it, not only that he loves you but that he is in love with you? Why does he need to wear it on a t-shirt, or sing it in a love song (yes that is an Alicia Keys song!)? And when life gets in the way of the everyday carefree world we would love to exist in all the time, does that mean he means it any less because he wasn't able to show it when you thought he should? 

I am challenging myself to own up to this Love I am feeling by taking everything else I thought it was out of the  equation. Meaning my too many to name Romantic Movie collection, or the "love" I see expressed among my friends relationships or even the Love I saw or didn't see growing up. As with everything else in my life I want to define my "love" for me. I have loved before, although not a long list it has been there and each time it has taken the previous love to another level. As with everything else, I want to be in the moment with Love, I don't want to wonder about Love in 2 months or even 2 weeks. I just want to appreciate it today.

I had a conversation about it today and the statement was am I sure its that since I really don't have anything else to compare it to? Since it is the first time its really been expressed to me in this way, clearly am I sure its not just because of that reason. My first thought, No its Love. My second thought some hours later, yup still love. I decided that whatever it turns out to be a month from now, a year from now or even 10 years from now whether I am still in it or not, it is and will always be Love. 

Made On Mars….

                        
I guess it’s true what they say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, my goodness Men really do live on a separate planet where NOTHING is a big deal except cars and sports! I never professed to know much about relationships having only a few under my belt and then a string of…Misfits…(Insert book chapter here). But my goodness, they really should come with an instruction manual. So with each experience I have in life my goal is to walk away with a lesson whether it be something I learn about myself or the other person. Really about them as I’m seeking to create my own manual.  Either way I try to be positive, I have a forgiving heart so I ultimately have no ill intentions of any past misfits. Currently, I just so happen to be in the midst of a blossoming relationship with a man who, well, keeps me on my toes. I seem to learn something new with him almost every week.  I think he shares Tom Joyner’s title for the hardest working man. He literally does not sit still until he sleeps and he doesn’t get much of that! He had a busy weekend in fact the last few have been kind of busy and for the most part I get it, I can’t exactly say you work too much I need my time, so quit. I can pretty much tell you how that will end, me spending weekends alone because I don’t have a choice…LOL well I’d have a choice, it would just end up being with me searching for the instruction manual of some new guy. But I digressed, I am perfectly happy with this model, its just never a dull moment. I say quite often that I have on my secret decoder ring in order to have a conversation with him so I can then decipher what logic he has talked himself into believing to make perfect sense. I swear to you when he says things to me he truly believes it to be LAW. You gotta love the man for standing up for what he truly believes, no matter how wrong he may be!

                               So after yet another few days of all work and no play and no talk. I check in to make sure all is good on the home front, he had some family illness scares in addition to the normal hustle and bustle. He answers the phone like nothing is wrong, like I didn’t call over the weekend, with ”concern”. I should add here the nonchalant after my thoughts of slight worry, piss me off!  Now we also do not live in a crime free world so if a few days go by in silence, I am wondering if I should be checking the local papers.  I know a bit extreme but I cover all my bases, so after I have established that he is just still working and recovering from a busy weekend of family stuff, I make a comment about looking forward to the weekends being “our time” to do stuff, but it doesn’t seem like that is happening lately.

He says “Babe, what are you talking about it was just this weekend, it was crazy.”

To which I reply, "I didn’t see you last weekend either"

He says “I talked to you on Friday?”

Me: *crickets* I’m pretty sure a man won’t see the problem with this but women understand my silence.

"Hello?" He says.

“Yeah I’m here”. (Sliding on my secret “man” decoder ring, because I know something is coming)

“ it was Friday right?, It sounds like you trying to say something else, what are you trying to say, Babe?” oh and now he has an attitude.

“Umm, *Duh, in my head* that we haven’t had any weekends to do "our thing" as planned”, I say now that the concern in my voice has moved to straight ‘tude as well.

"But it was just this weekend, I don't understand", now let me just say for the male audience that may exist, the proper response would've been,, "I know Babe, this weekend" I'm all yours. I would have even taken, "My bad Babe, you are right."

Now I must say this is in the middle of the work day so now I am trying to fall back because I am not really one for the afternoon work chat that turns into an argument. So as I downplay the conversation to avoid my coworkers getting to know the Jae that doesn’t always smile. I say “Yeah Babe, it was Friday.” To his defense, (not really) but I did see him that Friday he mentioned however, it was by no means date night as he was in between jobs on a "Break" sort of speak.

Cue his coworker asking a question, as I’m sure we were both relieved at this point. He says “Babe I will call you back when I’m done, I said no need just call me later, now that I know you are not laying in a ditch somewhere.”

He laughs….

Me: *Dial tone*

So as I hang up the phone, as hard as I could, annoyed because I saw that conversation going differently in my mind. I look down at the  obviously still broken decoder ring. I turn it around and now it all makes sense, on the inside I see the fine print reads:

“MADE ON MARS”

Oh get the....No wonder it doesn’t work!!

The journey continues…

K.I.S.S.
Jae :)

It’s all Coming Together…

    

This weekend was a quiet, yet thought provoking weekend for me. Although I did not overwhelm myself as usual with "outrageous flights of fancy". *If you know what movie that quote is from, you can join my movie club* :) Anywho, I remained in the moment as I just assessed my life. In retrospect, I am not as bad off as I thought, in fact I’m not bad off at all. There was a time in my life where I thought I was in some “race of life” that I was sadly losing. It was this race of what I should have and where I should be by a certain age, in relation to those around me too, but in my mind only because no one was looking at me to be on any timetable. I think I have either watched too many movies or just let society based on what I don’t know, but I let society make me think I should have accomplished so many things in my career, family-wise, financially. I have soon come to realize that when it is my time it will be just that MY TIME.  I already believe that 2011 is going to be my year. It already has been a blessing to me and I continue to be uplifted by what the next 5 months will bring. Oh if I could only tell you what I foresee, all I know is its going to be good!! How do I know? I prayed! “Everything is possible for him who believe” – Mark 9:23. I think I was so used to getting in my own way and thinking that something was always out of place or wrong, that for a second this weekend I tried to find something to be confused about or trying to fix per my previous headgames of yester-year. Although I have a dream on my heart that I am waiting to come to pass, I know he is already giving it to me its just a matter of when so I let go of the right now moment. As it has been brought to my attention that God is working, again because I prayed so God is working on it.

The best thing about this feeling I have is it is based on my own thoughts of what I want for my life, not what others want for me and not what others have that I think I want for me. The repeating theme in my life lately is PATIENCE. It is something I strive to be more diligent about. See I keep trying to make things work on my time, but it is not up to me and again you should pray about everything and worry about nothing. So I’m not worried and I can’t try to fix or alter anything already in the works for me because what Is meant to be when it is time will BE! Life is too short, on the heels of hearing of young people gone too soon. If I sit here thinking about what I want and what I don’t have I’m going to miss out on the blessings in my present moment.

Thanks for reading, remember (K)eep (I)t (S)o (S)imple. If you are reading this you are already blessed because you have eyes to read!!

Jae

Is it Friday Yet???

So if you know me, you know that I have held many jobs in my years since the tender age of 14. In some ways I am not proud of that, because I am not sure it shows stability but in other ways I am proud to be well rounded in my experience. I have worked at McDonald’s, I did a brief stint at Marshalls (LOL that’s a story I may never tell!) a few retail establishments as sales associate and Manager, a supermarket, an Insurance company, a Pharmaceutical company, and a few government contract jobs. Yes I think that’s it, a few years ago I did an assessment on what about those jobs I liked and disliked. My goal was to find what really gets me going at a job and what makes me want to get out of bed every morning ready to take on the day. It also helped me decide on a true major for finishing my Bachelor’s degree, (so I thought) *insert another blog here*. I would love to say that it took on a life of its own and I am now in this rewarding career that I truly love. But such is not the case, I told myself once I got this new job after being unemployed for 10 months, that I would relax and not get all anxious about doing something else. But as I sit here every day making my next move based on the needs of someone else I find myself asking, “Is it Friday yet?” and its only Monday, maybe Tuesday! The Sagittarius in me, just can’t sit still, mentally or physically! Now it’s just not the job itself I have come to look at other deciding factors such as benefits, location and travel time. It all becomes important especially when you live and work in the DC/MD area. The more I sit here, the more I think, why wait? Why do I need to relax and just let it be for a while, if there is something burning in me that I want to do then I should do it. To this day I had two jobs out of that list above, that I truly was excited to be a part of, because I had bosses who saw my drive and offered me opportunities to stretch that as best they could. I also liked the responsibility I had and the respect I received as a result of meeting someone’s needs.

So I am now on a mission to fuse those two jobs along with my interests into a rewarding career for me that makes everyday a joy for me to be included in. Now don’t get me wrong I am already blessed with my life and the way God is truly moving in it, but I also know he has a purpose for me and to be honest this aint it! Yes I said “Aint”! I don’t want my career to define me, I am hoping the person I am and my beliefs represent me to the best of my ability and define me for God’s intentions. However, having a rewarding career at this point would be at the top of my “Bucket List” for life, along with being a mommy and a wife. I know some people have bucket lists that include sky diving and bungee jumping and that is fine, I am an adventurous person and when the opportunity presents itself for me to do something fun that I may not have done before then I will pursue so as for right now that is good enough. Now let me caveat that with I will never be enticed to sky dive or bungee jump! Right now I am about improving my overall quality of life and enjoying every aspect. Now, typically the idea when making a move in jobs has been to let the salary be one of the leading factors and for that reason every move I have made has been an increase in pay. Of course it was easier when I lived at home, but now that I am on my own I have to be mindful and this is what stumps me in a way because I have a few things I would love to blink my eyes and be engrossed in but the financial aspect scares me because it means a cut in pay until the money starts flowing in, but I can’t help but be enticed by the even more rewarding aspect of it: LOVING WHAT I DO. So I am off to explore ways to tap into this and really find a reason to smile at work other than because I’m just a “smiley” person!

If you are reading this and have the opportunity to do what you love to do every day, I hate you! LOL no I kid, seriously I admire you and commend you as I am sure taking that step do it came with reserve and hesitation but at the end of the day you probably wouldn’t trade it for the world. Or would you?? I’m pretty sure I have something on my desk or in my pocketbook I’d be willing to part with!! J

But in all seriousness, I will join the likes of you soon, so wish me luck as the venture begins. Operation “Life is too short, and parking is too much, to not do what you love” is in full swing!

K.I.S.S.

Jae