You mean I’m not immortal????

So here’s the funny thing, I don’t claim to be perfect by any means, but I unconsciously thought I was pretty darn close to it! I have a habit of being non-judgmental, easy going, patient and understanding. Somewhere in all that I thought in my mind I was pretty much free of error when it came to hurting feelings and breaking hearts. However, in the last year I have had the pleasure of being involved with a man who cuts me no slack when it comes to reality/ego checks. Although he is unaware of the ego checking aspect, several times after a conversation with him I have found myself going wow, he has a point or did he just check me? I have had my fair share of “situations” (to call them relationships might be a stretch)! Anyways, I have had quite a few and more often than not they did not work out because we were not on the same level or they were just out to be shady. Nonetheless they were more so not my fault than they were. In my most recent relationship we have had our share of “confused” moments, to which I have been so quick to say its because he is confusing, hard to read and an Aquarus! LOL After yet another thought provoking conversation with him today, that shed so much light on the "why?" Of some of his actions, it has been brought to my attention that it is my fault that such things have existed.  

Now let me be clear this entry is not really about “relationships” so no need to go into specifics on “us” it’s more about perceptions of ourselves. So after I got off the phone, I thought a moment then called “the friend”, you know the one or two people who give it to you straight no chaser whether you like the answer or not! So I called one of mine and explained the conversation and it tripped me out to hear that she said “wow so it’s your fault” with a bit of sarcasm. Not that she thinks I'm just always wrong, but it was like an epiphany of hmm she is human. I could almost hear her smiling through the phone! LOL I laugh because it is funny that although she has entertained the emotional rollercoaster I undoubtedly chose to ride alone, she was all too happy in a sympathetic way of course, to say “uh yeah, you did this, now you gotta fix it.” To which I jokingly (I think) replied, “You mean I’m not as perfect as I thought?” she was all too happy to say “Um NO!”, “So I guess I have to take my cape off and come back to earth with the rest of you mere mortals. You mean I’m not immortal?” we laughed followed by jokes about me standing out on my balcony with my hands on my hips while letting my Pink “Super Perfect” cape blow in the wind! LOL It’s all a vision I could totally see, but good thing I had yet to coin a Super Name or phrase. Because the ego was checked in a major way, I wanted to easily think the reason for his actions was not as deep or due to any fault of mine. I don’t find myself being one who easily reads or understands men; in fact more often than not I’m donning a secret decoder ring in an attempt to get a glimpse of what a man is really thinking. I have always just assumed mine was broken. It’s so easy to say he is cheating or he just not that in to you instead of really taking the time to figure out what makes him do the things that he does. I personally think this has been the easy way out reply when dealing with relationship conversations among girlfriends. This time around it wasn't that easy to label, see he isn’t a big communicator so whenever he says anything I make note then as time goes on its like a puzzle I put together and today I put the final piece in and who knew it would be a finger pointing back at me!

I've had quite a few relationship issues in the last few years from both romantic, family and friends and I think it is really important that as we are quick to list everything this person did to hurt us or upset us, we should recognize that no relationship is one sided. Meaning there is always a cause and effect. We play a part in the way things happen and we can’t just sit and play the victim and think we are free from error. Sometimes we really have to step outside of ourselves and see what role we played in whatever the situation may be. When you confront it pointing your fingers, be prepared that there might just be a finger pointing back at you and before you run into a phone booth, change into your costume and come running out spitting your  “I was perfect I did everything right mantra” sit there and really listen to what’s being said. You might be surprised at how your view of the situation changes therefore changing the outcome. Maybe being a mortal isn’t so bad! :)

Jae 

Hello to the new….

      

I was going to say hello to the new week, but as I am attempting to live in the moment, let’s just start with “Hello, Monday!” A friend and I were talking this morning and it occurred to us that we are really good at offering each other words of encouragement and support for how to just live life. What we also noticed is we are not so quick to understand the need to take our own advice. She affectionately coined us “WIPs”, (Works in Progress). It’s a very true statement, as we are all works in progress no matter what we are working on there is always something to be gained. The experience alone of whatever is happening in your life the gain right there, you learned that what you did worked well enough to repeat again or that next time you will go a different way. Sometimes it can be very hard to live in the moment; you get to this point in life where you have conquered enough of the stuff you were trying to work on, feeling at peace with it enough to now lend your attention to another area. The problem is because we have had this enlightening “ahhhh” moment in one area now we are on a roll to make sure the next area does the same, only we want it to happen in 15.5 seconds from the moment we fixated ourselves on its possibility. We briefly forgot that it took some time to develop the success we achieved in that other area.

How come the journey is never enough? One of my BFFs is graduating from college this weekend and she, like most I know including me, did not take the path that includes college right after high school. So we are among the Adult students that are blazing across the world, furthering or continuing their education. She is so excited to finally be done with this leg of the tour but of course it came with many conversations about, “I should’ve done this a long time ago, if I would’ve gone after high school I would be done by now, etc.” Being in the same boat as she is I definitely understood, but I told her like I tell myself whenever that thought would enter my mind, it happened this way for a reason. And as I made her graduation card, I found myself personalizing it with the words “the length of this journey doesn’t matter, it only matters that you reached your destination.” Then I thought to myself, wow I’m good. J I’m either good at remembering this quote from something else I read, or I was just that profound this morning to really think of that on my own! LOL Either way, I thought to myself, why is it that we are not happy going through the journey? We are always so disappointed at the circumstances happening before we finally get what we want; instead of understanding the process is just as important as the result. I am most certainly, a victim of this too so I am not pointing the finger here but I think it is important for us to understand that it’s not a bad thing to have to wait, if we convince ourselves that the thing we are seeking to gain is indeed possible for us to have, why can’t we just relax in knowing that it will happen? Where is the fire? If we don’t live in the present and just enjoy it, day by day. When all is said and done we are going to wake up and wonder where the time went, I am already trying to figure out where the first 5 1/2 months of this year went!  3 months ago I was unemployed and on a serious grind to find a job, now look at me up at 5:30 a.m. every day, working at a job where I am busy from the time I walk in until the time I leave. While I was in that journey I thought it was the worst time for me. But it amazingly enough proved to be the most enlightening thought-provoking growth spurt I could have ever had, thus far! J

So in conclusion, sit down and relax. No matter what is happening in the moment I truly believe, it’s all good!

"HAPPY" FRIDAY!!

                 I decided today to keep it light and breezy. I am excited about the weekend and excited about life in general. I thought this morning on my way to work on what a great week it has been. Each week I feel myself progressing in my relationship with God. How do I know? Because the load feels lighter, my biggest issue has always been overthinking and not letting things go. Each week I feel myself feeling lighter and happier. I have been studying really hard on overcoming these things and it’s all in the effort of my overall goal in life to KEEP IT SIMPLE! I have such awesome, wonderful people in my life. They have no idea of the little things they do that are so big to me. It doesn’t take much for me, a friend sharing wonderful news, a laugh with friend(s), encouraging words and laughs with my mom, the jokes only my sister and I get, listening to a voicemail from my nephew, picturing my nieces smile/laugh and spending time with someone special. The good times continue as my weekend is full of family time and I am so overjoyed about it, my family means the world to me! As you venture off into your weekend don’t get so caught up in the day to day “life” stuff that you miss out on the present, because as they say the “present is a gift” so be thankful for it and show God your gratitude by being happy in it!

K.I.S.S.

Jae

Putting the puzzle together

                   Ok so here is where I am at today, now that all my friends seem to be in their own “life bags”, I find myself now having conversations with them about having babies, getting married; making houses a “home”, etc. Conversations have changed a lot in the last year or so and I have to say while it seems like it happened overnight, it is actually refreshing.  Thankfully I wasn’t surrounded around a bunch of women wearing “I am single hear me roar” t-shirts. I am not sure why it is necessary, while I’m not knocking being single, I have spent most of my adulthood and life for that matter as a single woman and it’s been a great ride, I did a lot and did not have to worry about dividing my time. I don’t want to go into this entire list of what I didn’t have to do or could do as a single girl because let’s face it I just did stuff a single person would do! LOL I am always amazed at the lengths people go to, to announce their singledom. I think some people think if you admit that if they want to be in a relationship or have a family they are saying they can’t be alone, and I disagree. You are just admitting you want more or something different. At the same time I know quite a few people who are never single, they always have someone and I think that has a deeper meaning than the surface can show and quite possibly could be another blog entry. Any who, I’ve had my fair share of chilling at home by myself, entertaining myself when my friends were entertaining relationships. There were plenty of times I enjoyed the quiet and there were plenty of times I didn’t. I am keeping it FUNKY (real)! (Took that from a friend) LOL Its life at some point we are all single and yes it is most certainly important to be comfortable in your own skin, being alone and happy. But I have to be honest, I am getting older and there comes a point when you want something else, something more. 

                It could just be me; I grew up with 3 siblings and a mother and father, in the home. Granted 2 of my “sibs” were my “blended family” so I only saw them every other weekends and lots more during the summers. My grandparents were together my whole life thus far until they passed away, and my mom’s brothers are married to the only women I have ever seen them with. So it is not unusual for me to believe in Love or sharing my life with someone. It seems like my adulthood up to this point has been a bunch of puzzle pieces I was trying to find and put together. I started with finding the pieces of me; finding pieces of me through a job, finding pieces of me through my friendships and finding pieces of me through my family. It was a long battle but I think I get it now, and although it’s not a complete puzzle I see enough of the picture to see where I’m going. I have seen it start to unfold; my conversations alone are proving that. For so long I swear, I have been about this friend and that friend and then some more friends and all their lives. It’s like I was in a race to see how many friends I could get in my lifetime. Although I’m not sure what the prize was, when all was said and done all I got was burnt out! I had too many stories in my head of everyone’s lives for one sane person to comprehend and filter and I finally took my “Save-a-Friend” Cape off, shredded and then burned it, on purpose!

                I love my TRUE friends and I’m proud of all of US for the growth and accomplishments we have achieved thus far and even though some are moving into phases that others are not sure about or otherwise not so interested in yet. I find that it’s okay, at one point I had a hard time accepting when my friends were doing other things that I wasn’t but the maturity came and I realized its life and just because we start to move in different areas doesn’t mean the friendship goes away, it just means the friendship moves to another phase as well. I think it is great to have a great friends in your life, and a balanced sense of who you are alone or attached, but it’s also not bad if you want to share that with someone either. So whether you are putting your puzzle together alone or you have help, enjoy the search for your pieces, I’m certainly having fun putting mine together! J

Jae

Just believe it!!

Today I am talking to myself here but I figured maybe someone else could use this word of encouragement too. Last year I had a pretty tough year, probably one of my BIGGEST TEST thus far in my 33 years of existence. I say that because it was filled with so many emotions, thoughts and just stuff I just can’t believe it was just in 2010. I decided I had to really get to the heart of me and my thinking and I needed to find my answers in God, now I am not here to be all preachy and have people catching the holy ghost. I told myself that I would get more spiritually connected for my OWN sake. It was not about just going to church every Sunday, ok not every Sunday but you know what I mean. It was about me knowing God and relying on him when my days just seemed to not make any sense. So I shut down, I stop talking to everyone but God about my “issues”. Each day I would try to teach myself the bible by seeking out verses based on my feelings, then I took it a step further by finding daily devotionals then I stumbled upon Joel Osteen’s book It’s Your Time. It was the first thing I read that really taught me that your thinking controls your life. I immediately realized I was the root of all my problems, yes I could easily say this person was this and they did that but ultimately the aura of my life was a pit of negativity because I let every downfall consume me. I went a step further after reading Joel’s book, which by the way I recommend to everyone!! I opened up one of my old journals, that I have kept since I was 17, now if you recall I mentioned my age in the beginning so I basically have written documentation of my life overall for the last 15 or so years. But the one thing I noticed about the last 6 or 7 years was that it was so depressing to read, I literally sat there and was like “OMG was this really me??” I knew I had to change that because I was writing it down, making it permanent and therefore it was setting my moods and I didn’t even know it. It was like the screenplay of my life and it was terrible, I would NEVER go see that movie. LOL

Around this same time my mom bought me a new journal and I vowed that with my first new entry of the New Year, no longer would I fill any pages with anything negative, the first step in having Faith is believing what is unseen. So even if it sounded farfetched initially I would write something positive and forward speaking or I would not write at all! I’m happy to say that 5 months later I can now open my journal on a not so Fabulous day and find inspiration in my own words. I thumbed through one of my old journals the other day and came to a page that said “my mom is convinced that I really need to start thinking happy, positive thoughts because I’m in such a funk from dwelling on the things that are going wrong.” I had to laugh because 4 years later I am finally doing that, of course when I told my mom that, in true mom fashion she says you didn’t believe me when I said it you had to hear it from someone else. I laughed and said no it just took me 4 years to get it! I will add, that only happened because I got quiet with myself and then stepped outside of myself to see the role I was playing in my life.

It is really amazing how when you change your outlook the things you look at change. Since I am heavy with my daily inspirations I believe God is now speaking to me through them, every day I listen to a sermon by Joel Osteen or Joyce Meyers, I also read their daily devotionals as well as Daily Christ Bible Notes and Purpose Driven Life. As of lately, based on my opinion of my growing relationship with God I find all the messages carry the same theme some weeks and its usually those weeks it is taking me a little longer to let something go. So ironically this past week was about FAITH, FAITH and more FAITH. Believing in the unseen, trusting the faithfulness of God and believing it has already been given to you, “IT” being whatever you are hoping for and praying for. So I will leave you with that, let’s all start this week off right by believing whatever it is we are praying for has already been given to us, if we live like that it will make the “going through stuff” much easier.

Happy Monday!

K.I.S.S.

Jae

Less still is More!!

This is why I left Twitter…and I have one foot out the Facebook Door.

One of the things I came to realize about myself in the last year is that I really am okay, not knowing as much as I have been previously privy to! If you know me well or have known me for a really long time you know that me talking or people talking to me comes very easily. I have always tried to have an unbiased opinion and I have never felt the need to try to force my opinion on how someone else should live ‘their” life, quite honestly, because I hate it when people do it to me. Although, I do realize that my sensitive and caring nature has made me give strong “thoughts” here and there. Experience has now taught me that I now just say “Hey, you like, I love it”, which I think overall just means it’s your life so if your cool, I’m cool! At the end of the day you’re going to do exactly what YOU want to do regardless of the opinion/advice/suggestion of anyone else, right! But since part of my plan in the last year is to build my relationship with God I would probably now say to someone, pray about it, trust your heart and go from there.

 Now I promise I had a point when I started this…Oh yes information overload...I know tons of people, and let me say months ago I might have said I have tons of friends but I have used that word loosely for way too long and after much deliberating with myself, we decided yes (me, myself and I) that it is quality over quantity so therefore we will be careful how we toss around that word. Yes that’s a whole other blog and an entire chapter maybe two in my book! But I digressed, some months ago I was a happy go lucky participant in the “twitter world”. Following 

celebrities, getting my healthy dose of inspiration, even networking for jobs and of course I had actual people I knew who I followed and who followed me. Insert a personal incident that left my ego a bit bruised, where I was the chosen one left out of what would normally be a “team effort”. (that story tonite at 11) A few tweets and a few texts later I decided things got out of hand, it was just way too much and I had a choice to remove myself from things that were just too much FOR ME or I could remain there and continue to witness things that would potentially hurt or annoy me again. So I hit the delete button, now let me explain this was not some isolated incident. I had been “involved” in other twitter debacles which is why this last one was the nail in the coffin. I soon realized that it was just all way too much. People want to be able to say and do whatever they want, admitting yeah I said it or did it and I should be able to because it’s my twitter, where others want to say it in a “general” way hoping no one really reads between the lines. It just took the fun out of it when feelings get hurt and no one really stops and thinks what their tweets may actually do, and quite frankly at some point when do we really leave anything private. Does the “less is more” really not apply anymore just because technology has made it easy to keep in touch and network? I will admit I was addicted to twitter, everyday like clockwork I’d log in looking for my dose of inspiration or what was going on that would make me laugh with my “get through the work day on twitter crew”. But at some point it just stopped being fun. Facebook has turned into the exact same thing and I swear half the people I’m “friends” with should be on twitter, why are we updating Facebook every time we do ANYTHING? Granted there was no quota but are we really here where I can know everything about people I really don’t know? Then why go make a big fuss about identity theft and other things if you are just going to tell it all on Facebook or Twitter? Prime example, I’m friends with a former classmate again I say classmate whose last name I barely knew and now I can tell you where she works, what she had for dinner when she is in love when isn’t. What time her son goes to bed, when he had a cold. I mean seriously I am so afraid that all of this technology is making us lose sight of real connections to people.

 I mean I am honestly getting ready to say this, but doesn’t anyone want to keep anything to themselves anymore?? It was one of the things that sold me on really getting back to keeping it simple. It was just way too much, (I know I have said that like 3 times already but IT WAS!) It got complicated, it was no longer quite easy to understand or deal with. If you find yourself feeling like this, if it doesn’t work well for you and its okay to admit that it doesn’t walk away. Trust me at the end of the day with all that is being said out there I guarantee, you really aren’t missing much!

K.I.S.S., (Keeping it So Simple)

Jae

Happy...to be back!

Well...Hello again!

             So, I searched via google, for the perfect definition to use here for the purpose of getting you to understand (if you were wondering) why I chose my "new" blog name and Wikipedia’s definition just spoke to me. Wikipedia says "Simplicity is the property of being simple. It usually relates to the burden which a thing puts on someone trying to explain or understand it. Something which is easy to understand or explain is simple, in contrast to something complicated. Alternatively, as Herbert Simon suggested, something is simple or complex depending on the way we choose to describe it."  When I read this I said to myself “YESSSSS, that’s exactly what I want!"

          Over the last few years of my life, I have been complicated and confused and unsure and over the last year I learned it was more so my fault than not. Without divulging names or specifics I will share parts of my last year at times in an effort to show the growth or lesson I learned from it. The one major lesson or thought I had was I just want to keep it simple. It is so important for me now to make sure I live in the present moment and keep it happy and simple. You are what you speak and think you are! I repeat YOU are what YOU speak and think YOU are! (I am speaking to myself here as well)

          Now don’t get me wrong because by true definition Simple means easy to understand, deal with, but it also means...PLAIN. That does not mean I want to be plain or boring, because I’m a fun girl(woman) lol, I just mean the day to day living of my life I want to be free of drama, complications and anything that does not scream out simple and happy. 

When I decided to shut down my previous blog and regroup and rebuild me I knew coming back into this I had to be honest with myself so I can be honest with my followers…all 5 of you! :) It was important that I remain true to myself but stand out enough to be recognized, if that makes sense, the blogs of the world are in the masses of 100s, so I didn’t want anyone to see this as just another blog. I shut down my previous blog “littlemissjaechatterbox” because it wasn’t who I really was, or correction it was who I used to be and as true as it was, because I was a chatterbox that name did not represent me the way I intended it to. In fact it set the tone for my life, leading to huge lessons learned and a mental growth spurt!

               I have the gift of gab, it is who I am, but it is a gift from God which means that the purpose of it is intended for good. So I needed to re-evaluate the ways in which I was using my gift and if it was doing more harm than good. While I realize 80% of the time it is used for good, that other 20% yeah, not so much. The difference was I thought before I spoke 80% of the time, while the other 20% I didn’t! Plain and simple, and as we move along I will revisit these times I didn’t use that 20%. But for now as I embark on this new journey of "Me" I decided to start writing and sharing again, hoping that maybe I can let someone else know (1) Life can be easy although it comes with TESTS  (2) You are not alone and (3) You can change & Be a Better You. I put "tests" in caps because it’s important we recognize that we are not free of “issues” in this world but how we view them and ourselves in it can help keep them “simple”. There will be times I will have something funny to share and lots of times it will be me reflecting and having an Aha Moment(s), sprinkled in with some randomness. I hope that my attempts to live a Simple, Happy life will jump off the pages of this blog and keep you coming back and in turn we can live Happily, Simplistic together! 

*disclaimer* I don’t have it all figured out and some days I need to check myself or get checked(the "checkers" know who they are), this is simply(pun intended) my journey to grow happier and more simplistic with each passing day.

Thanks for reading and remember “Keep it Simple”,

Jae