You mean I’m not immortal????

So here’s the funny thing, I don’t claim to be perfect by any means, but I unconsciously thought I was pretty darn close to it! I have a habit of being non-judgmental, easy going, patient and understanding. Somewhere in all that I thought in my mind I was pretty much free of error when it came to hurting feelings and breaking hearts. However, in the last year I have had the pleasure of being involved with a man who cuts me no slack when it comes to reality/ego checks. Although he is unaware of the ego checking aspect, several times after a conversation with him I have found myself going wow, he has a point or did he just check me? I have had my fair share of “situations” (to call them relationships might be a stretch)! Anyways, I have had quite a few and more often than not they did not work out because we were not on the same level or they were just out to be shady. Nonetheless they were more so not my fault than they were. In my most recent relationship we have had our share of “confused” moments, to which I have been so quick to say its because he is confusing, hard to read and an Aquarus! LOL After yet another thought provoking conversation with him today, that shed so much light on the "why?" Of some of his actions, it has been brought to my attention that it is my fault that such things have existed.  

Now let me be clear this entry is not really about “relationships” so no need to go into specifics on “us” it’s more about perceptions of ourselves. So after I got off the phone, I thought a moment then called “the friend”, you know the one or two people who give it to you straight no chaser whether you like the answer or not! So I called one of mine and explained the conversation and it tripped me out to hear that she said “wow so it’s your fault” with a bit of sarcasm. Not that she thinks I'm just always wrong, but it was like an epiphany of hmm she is human. I could almost hear her smiling through the phone! LOL I laugh because it is funny that although she has entertained the emotional rollercoaster I undoubtedly chose to ride alone, she was all too happy in a sympathetic way of course, to say “uh yeah, you did this, now you gotta fix it.” To which I jokingly (I think) replied, “You mean I’m not as perfect as I thought?” she was all too happy to say “Um NO!”, “So I guess I have to take my cape off and come back to earth with the rest of you mere mortals. You mean I’m not immortal?” we laughed followed by jokes about me standing out on my balcony with my hands on my hips while letting my Pink “Super Perfect” cape blow in the wind! LOL It’s all a vision I could totally see, but good thing I had yet to coin a Super Name or phrase. Because the ego was checked in a major way, I wanted to easily think the reason for his actions was not as deep or due to any fault of mine. I don’t find myself being one who easily reads or understands men; in fact more often than not I’m donning a secret decoder ring in an attempt to get a glimpse of what a man is really thinking. I have always just assumed mine was broken. It’s so easy to say he is cheating or he just not that in to you instead of really taking the time to figure out what makes him do the things that he does. I personally think this has been the easy way out reply when dealing with relationship conversations among girlfriends. This time around it wasn't that easy to label, see he isn’t a big communicator so whenever he says anything I make note then as time goes on its like a puzzle I put together and today I put the final piece in and who knew it would be a finger pointing back at me!

I've had quite a few relationship issues in the last few years from both romantic, family and friends and I think it is really important that as we are quick to list everything this person did to hurt us or upset us, we should recognize that no relationship is one sided. Meaning there is always a cause and effect. We play a part in the way things happen and we can’t just sit and play the victim and think we are free from error. Sometimes we really have to step outside of ourselves and see what role we played in whatever the situation may be. When you confront it pointing your fingers, be prepared that there might just be a finger pointing back at you and before you run into a phone booth, change into your costume and come running out spitting your  “I was perfect I did everything right mantra” sit there and really listen to what’s being said. You might be surprised at how your view of the situation changes therefore changing the outcome. Maybe being a mortal isn’t so bad! :)

Jae